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So I came up with this a while ago

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8:03 pm
June 26, 2010


SporkBot

Deep One

posts 267

Originally, it was going to be for that contest, but I chose not to enter it with my book coming out. I like the story, so I figure I'd finally post it here (with some last-minute tweaks and modifications, like a quick mother-daughter chat on Page 7, Panel 3.) Also, I have ANOTHER story idea, in case another such contest comes along. No hopes up, since I know the scheduling for this comic doesn't exactly leave a lot of open spots. Just saying, it's in my noodle.

Fiction/Truth or True Fiction

By SporkBot

 

PAGE 1

PANEL 1:

Establishing shot of a medieval European kingdom, late 900’s era maybe. There are many homes, farms, stables, but the castle most prominently dwarfs them all.

CAPTION
The number of tales about distant kingdoms and royalty surpass those of the kingdoms that have truly existed.

CAPTION
But this is no story of vanity or simplicity. It is not to merely amuse children or captivate the silly-hearted.

CAPTION
No, this is account—

PANEL 2:
Mistletoe stands on a balcony, dressed like a princess. She has a smile on her face as she looks down upon the adoring people below. Akin to the headdress she wore as Mother Hydra, she has a headband with tassels that frame her face (like the headdress’ fangs). There should also be an amulet in the center of the band bearing the Dagon emblem. Those beneath her are wearing simple, basic attire (I keep thinking back to Gargoyles); have some dirt on some faces.

CAPTION
—Is about a girl.

CAPTION
This girl lived in a village ruled by a King and a Queen.

CAPTION
And sometimes, unbeknownst to them…

PANEL 3:
Close up of Princess Misty. Her smile is a little devilish now, and her irises and amulet are glowing yellow as she continues to look down upon the crowd. Behind her, royal parents Jackson and Christmas stand. They hold hands but are not looking at each other. They actually look rather apathetic.

CAPTION
…Their Princess as well.

PANEL 4:
Closer on the crowd. Among the many people gathered, we can see Becka and Lindsey.

CAPTION
Secret congresses, any choice suitor at her whim, the envy of every girl, all were in the Princess’ hands.

CAPTION
But when you live in the tallest turret in a mighty spire, how can you climb any higher?

PAGE 2

PANEL 1:
Close up of Becka. She’s looking up, smiling like everyone else.

CAPTION
The simplest way, of course, is to bring those beneath you even lower.

PANEL 2:
Becka and Charon are walking through the town with a few food items. The castle is in the background. One thing here is if eyeglasses were available in this kind of period.

CAPTION
The target was chosen: A simple peasant girl. Her underprivileged mother raised her alone in a small home that barely housed them both. She was outcast from her taunting peers.

CAPTION
Despite this hardship, she never frowned. Never cried. Never gave into despair.

CAPTION
She had to be broken.

PANEL 3:
In a darkly-lit room, Misty stands with a male figure, but they’re both shadowed. She’s holding out a sheathed broadsword with one hand before the other person.

CAPTION
The Princess let word go amongst those her age of a clandestine gathering of young men and women. Many would gleefully attend, but one guest had a special task.

CAPTION
She told a squire to punish the peasant girl for her crime of contentment in paucity.

PANEL 4:
Close up of the squire, Chip. He’s holding the weapon in both hands, smiling smugly.

CAPTION
He accepted.

PANEL 5:
Becka is walking with Chip (sword at his side) in a field of grass (don’t worry; no corn). In the background, there is a home with lights and a silhouette or two seen from the windows.

CAPTION
Another night passed and many of the kingdom’s sons and daughters converged in a long-abandoned house of a long-dead servant. Everyone partook of spirits smuggled from the King’s winery.

CAPTION
Everyone save two.

PAGE 3

PANEL 1:
Over Chip’s shoulder, we see Becka looking up at him, awestruck. She’s beaming.

CAPTION
The squire found the girl, regaled her with flattery, and led her away from the sight of others.

CAPTION
The girl was euphoric. A handsome squire, so well known for his loyalty and hard work for his mentor, was holding her. Talking to her. Telling her of her incomparable beauty.

PANEL 2:
Profile of both, with Chip grasping Becka’s biceps. The moon is high in the sky.

CAPTION
The moon could not have illuminated a night more romantic.

PANEL 3:
Becka has been thrown to the ground. She should probably wince from the impact.

PANEL 4:
Shot from Becka’s perspective. Chip has a menacing smile as he grasps the handle of his sword.

CAPTION
Or one more ghastly.

PANEL 5:
The sword is drawn above Chip’s head. Aside from the solid handle, the blade should be translucent and red, as if it’s composed of crimson mist, but maintaining a blade’s form.

CAPTION
Never before had she seen the likes of the young man’s weapon, now unsheathed. It took the form of any knight’s sword, but appeared to be made of air; an air of grim scarlet. "What are you doing, squire," she asked, shock overtaking her.

CAPTION
The squire smiled coldly as he readied his sword. "Only what my lady asked of me."

PANEL 6:
Shot of only the blade, coming down with noticeably great force.

PANEL 7:
Similar to Panel 6, but the angle of the blade should be a few degrees lower. A solid black hand has grabbed the sword to a halt. There should be no bulge or depth to the form; two-dimensional.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1:
Becka is reeled back, startled by the sight of her own shadow rising from the ground. It has a vaguely humanoid form, with the only facial feature being a pair of glowing blue eyes, the same as "normal universe" Becka has when Shadowformed. The shadow should basically be a torso extending from the shadow Becka is directly casting on the grass. Chip is stunned at the sight as well, struggling in vain to free his magic sword.

CAPTION
Before the strange ether could come close to the girl, a figure of blackest night impossibly snatched it. Its eyes, the only indicator that it bore some kind of face, blazed with moon-fire as it stood between predator and prey. It spoke with the tone of haunting night winds.

CAPTION
"I knoweth well thy blade, squire," it revealed. "Though lacking the cut of steel, its mystic powers corrupt purity in innocent souls. So do they writhe in agony and go mad. It is strong when used against mortals."

PANEL 2:
A close up of the shadow’s hand, much like Panels 6&7 from Page 3. However, the grip has tightened on the air-blade, causing it to shatter. There should be some air-splinters around the shadow-fist.

CAPTION
"Though laughable against my power."

PANEL 3:
Becka is in the background, in a more sitting position, but looking like she’s deciding whether or not to get up and make a run for it. Close up in the foreground, the shadow has taken hold of Chip’s head (his mouth agape in fear), shining a light from its eyes into his. The blade is evaporating from the handle, which is falling out of Chip’s hand.

CAPTION
The ebony wraith destroyed the blade with ease, shattering it so that it became vapor and disintegrated. The squire was somehow punished beyond the girl’s comprehension when he was forced to gaze into vengeful blue eyes.

CAPTION
"Surely," the peasant girl reasoned, "this is some dream. A trick or a witch’s spell!"

PANEL 4:
With Chip passed out, some light blue steam rising from his face, the shadow "kneels" before Becka (though still, as always, tethered to her shadow on the ground). Its arms are open welcomingly.

CAPTION
"This is no dream, young one." The shadow had finished its business with the squire, who now lay on the ground motionless but alive. "This night, my existence, the squire’s savagery; all are real, with no enchantments."

CAPTION
"But…what are you, peculiar creature?"

PANEL 5:
The shadow as twirled around Becka a couple times, and hovers just above her. Its extension from the torso to its base on the ground should NOT cover Becka completely. Since it has no mouth, maybe it should smile with its eyes, as a comforting mechanism. Becka herself should be amazed at her new friend.

CAPTION
"A shadow, child! I am the courage, the strength, the willpower within given form to protect thee. I am thy guardian."

PANEL 6:
The shadow is now parallel with Becka, meeting her face-to-face, waiting for a sign of acceptance.

CAPTION
The girl had been through a trying time. Deceit had almost cost her the very soul in her body. Yet something inside, an instinct, told her that this being…

PAGE 5

PANEL 1:
Two ideas here. One, Becka hugs the shadow. Yeah, I know; a little weird. Two, Becka bows before the shadow, lifting her skirt with one hand. Either one is fine.

CAPTION
…was most trustworthy.

PANEL 2:
The shadow, eyes more concerned, has its hands on Becka’s shoulders. Our gal’s expression should be that of surprise.

CAPTION
"Heed well, young one," the shadow warned. "I saw into the squire’s mind. His intentions were demanded of him by the Princess. She wishes unholy harm done to thee!"

CAPTION
"But why? I’ve done nothing against the royal family or the kingdom."

CAPTION
"She has fallen under the influence of a terrible magic! The amulet upon her brow is the source of unspeakable evil, and it feeds on her darker side.

CAPTION
"This evil wants nothing more than the eradication of purity such as yours. When unleashed it leaves naught but devastation and misery in its wake."

PANEL 3:
The shadow has wrapped around Becka’s waist, its head poking out from behind her. Becka has turned to face it.

CAPTION
"Why do you tell me this, o guardian? What can I do in the face of such wickedness?"

CAPTION
"Together, with the courage you have deep within, we must destroy the amulet before its power consumes the Princess completely. If we fail, then the kingdom and all you hold dear shall be lost!"

PANEL 4:
This should take up the rest (roughly than half) of the page. What I’m thinking is a mish-mash of various figures, mutually exclusive of each other on the page.

-On the left side: The shadow has formed wings on Becka’s back and they’re taking to the air.

-Around the center: Two knights in their silver armor, facing each other in conversation. The one on the left has his helmet on (which should have some embossed markings similar to a Deep One’s head…I’m thinking three spikes on each side, as if they were rested there, maybe the mouth piece is framed like the fold around their jaws for wider openings). The helmet should have some hot-pink feathers sticking out the back. He has his arms open, like "what are you talking about?" The knight on the right should have his helmet removed; he’s a normal human, but he has blonde hair in a bowl cut. He’s holding a book, pointing into it. I think they should be shown from the bellies, up.

-A little further right: Misty’s head, much larger than the other figures. She’s smiling wide enough to show her teeth, much fangy-er than human molars ought to be. Her eyeballs are completely glowing yellow, as is her amulet.

-On the far right: Another knight in his armor. However, this knight is noticeably bulkier than the others, and his armor is colored a subdued purple. He stands arms crossed, his face hidden behind a helmet.

CAPTION
"Than failure shan’t even be uttered!"

CAPTION
At that declaration, the shadow endowed its charge with wings, and they took to the skies. Soon, a simple peasant would face an evil not yet known to mankind. But such a tale is for another occasion.

PAGE 6

PANEL 1:
Charon is holding three sheets of paper in front of her. Both brows should be raised.

CHARON
Wow.

PANEL 2:
Shot from behind Becka and Charon, sitting in an office in neighboring chairs. Between them we see a female counselor sitting at her desk. Her specific appearance isn’t really of great importance.

CHARON
This is really good.

BECKA
Thanks.

CHARON
I mean it!

BECKA
I know.

COUNSELOR
Miss. McKay…

PANEL 3:
The counselor is in profile gesturing with her hands for the return of the paper. Charon, handing the paper back, is turned to Becka, smiling proudly. Becka’s looking back at her mother, so we only see the back of her head.

COUNSELOR
…I trust you understand I called you here for more than a review of Becka’s latest assignment.

CHARON
An A is a better reason than other parents get.

CHARON
Unless she pantsed one of those kids teasing her about that cartoon she watches.

BECKA
MOTH-ER.

PANEL 4:
The counselor is looking at the essay. We should see the title "Shadow of Light" at the top. Next to it are the red ink marks of the letter A and the circled number 98.

COUNSELOR
It’s the CONTENT of the story that I wanted to discuss.

CHARON
I didn’t see anything overly graphic. Definitely no swearing.

PANEL 5:
Shot of Becka in her seat. She’s blushing, a tad uncomfortable with the praise placed upon her.

COUNSELOR
Make no mistake; she more than earned that grade. Her teacher said that, in many ways it’s better than the papers he got from a lot of the seniors. Even including the ones that plagiarized off the internet.

PANEL 6:
The counselor has now moved in front of her desk, still holding the essay.

COUNSELOR
Really, there isn’t anything in here, on the surface, that isn’t tame compared to some of those TV-Y7 cartoons my son watches.

COUNSELOR
It’s really a matter of the metaphorical implications.

COUNSELOR (Softly)
(Something ELSE I’ve noticed in those TV-Y7 cartoons.)

CHARON (OFF-PANEL)
Such as?

PAGE 7

PANEL 1:
Frontal shot of Charon in her seat. Her hands are clasped together and her chin rests on her thumbs.

COUNSELOR
The more obvious "looks can be deceiving", "power within" motifs are done quite cleverly. But what concerns me is the portion about the squire with the "sword that corrupts purity."

COUNSELOR
Your writing teacher felt that had the insinuation of something more serious than a magic sword in a fairy tale. I tend to agree with him.

BECKA (OFF-PANEL)
I don’t see the big deal.

PANEL 2:
Becka rests her cheek on her left fist as she looks at the counselor. Her other hand is turned palm-up. The counselor should be looking at her, but then turn "to the camera".

BECKA
It’s just a story.

COUNSELOR
And not long ago, a little girl’s "just a" letter to Santa Claus revealed she and her sister had been abused.

COUNSELOR
Many writers draw their stories from real life, no matter how fanciful they are. Sometimes, those events are quite personal.

COUNSELOR
If there’s anything you want to say, you can say it safely in this–Excuse me.

PANEL 3:
Counselor has opened the door to her office. Charon and Becka quickly and quietly chat.

CHARON (Softly)
Were you really just stumped for ideas?

BECKA (Softly)
YES! Two days to write and I couldn’t think of anything else! Blame my writer’s block!

CHARON (Softly)
I can’t ground your writer’s block.

COUNSELOR
You three knock it off! I don’t care who pulls strings for you, I WILL suspend the lot of you!

COUNSELOR
…That’s better.

PANEL 4:
Shot from behind the McKays. The counselor has now turned to them and walking back to her desk, leaving the door open.

COUNSELOR
Sorry about that. A wheelchair becomes a toy so quickly with some kids.

CHARON
We understand.

BECKA
Look, I know where you’re going with this. And if you’re asking if I was raped, then no, I wasn’t.

BECKA
But with the internet and the news, it’s hard not to hear about it.

BECKA
As horrible and despicable it is…something only brain-dead, flaccid losers would stoop to…

PANEL 5:
Becka sits in her seat in the foreground, smiling at the off-panel counselor. A kind of "nothing to hide" smile without being obnoxious. Have hint of blue glow in her eyes. In the background, through the open doorway, we can clearly see Chip, in a wheelchair wearing his Letterman’s jacket and a cast over his pelvis and the upper half of his thighs. His two cronies (also in Letterman’s jackets for recognition), possibly with some head-mounted bandaging, are standing near him. All three are gazing at Becka in fear. I’d say one of them wets himself (we wouldn’t see it if it was Chip).

BECKA
…I was definitely inspired.

PAGE 8
NOTE: Have "BONUS ENDING" strewn across the top of the page.

PANEL 1:
Chip is unconscious as he is wheeled away on a stretcher, with some medical technicians at his side. There’s a strip of black, dried blood form his mouth to his chin.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
We’ve been studying your son’s case for several days. While we feel it’s safe to take him out of hospital care, we still can’t pinpoint the cause of his condition.

DAD’S CAPTION
You didn’t ask him?

PANEL 2:
Chip is sitting alone in his hospital bed, in his pelvic cast.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
Of course we did. We asked his two friends, also admitted for different injuries, but none of them are talking.

MOM’S CAPTION
He plays football. Could it have happened when they got too rough on the field?

MOM’S CAPTION
Ooh, I always worried something like this would happen!

DAD’S CAPTION
How could you possibly see THIS coming?

PANEL 3:
Chip, alone in the dark, reels at the sight of a strange amorphous figure in the shadows. A pair of light-blue menacing eyes stares at him.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
Ma’am, no sports injury I’ve ever heard of could cause this. And it happened at night in a cornfield, according to the ambulance driver.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
Some kids think to get thrills from stupid stunts and put videos of it on the ‘net. Jumping off roofs or sword-fighting with florescent bulbs. That’s a possibility.

PANEL 4:
Chip has turned on a light. The shadowed shape is gone, replaced with a gift plant and a "Get Well Soon" balloon.

DAD’S CAPTION
Preposterous. Our son knows better than to pull off that kind of crap!

PANEL 5:
We see a nurse in scrubs, from the belly down to her thighs. She’s checking on the instruments monitoring the boy’s vitals. Chip, close up to the foreground, is admiring her rear end.

MOM’S CAPTION
Chip is a good boy!

CHIP
Hey, baby. When I get out of here, what say we go to a party sometime?

MOM’S CAPTION
He’d never do anything to hurt himself or anyone!

PANEL 6:
The nurse bends over, at eye level to Chip. Big shocker, it’s Becka, eyes blazing blue and smiling deviously. Chip is now scared as all Hell. Not just some Hell, or even half Hell. All. Freaking. Hell.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
I didn’t mean to insinuate anything.

NURSE
Do you really want to party with me…

NURSE
…Baby?

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
I’m simply trying to make sense of all this.

CHIP
NNNYYAAAAAAAGGGHH!

PANEL 7:
Frontal shot of the nurse, at least enough to see her face. She should look nothing like Becka; she’s a long-haired red-head between 18-20 years old, now frowning. In the back, Chip is in his bed, hiding behind the covers and looking around the room.

NURSE
Jerk.

DOCTOR’S CAPTION
We don’t know how it happened. The simple fact remains that through some kind of blunt force trauma—

PAGE 9

PANEL 1:
This panel should take up most of the page. The doctor is presenting an x-ray of Chip’s pelvis to his parents. We should probably have some cracks in the respective bone, if not complete breaks. What the doctor says next should be strong, bold, and in large font, like so many comic book covers have done. The last word his says, however, should be blocky, akin to Superman comics or the X-Men logo in the 90’s.

DOCTOR
–Your son’s testicles have been ATOMIZED!

PANEL 2
Frontal shot of both Chip’s parents, dumbfounded and speechless.

PANEL 3
Same as 2, except Chip’s Dad is looking over at his wife.

DAD
I blame your mother.

DAD
There, I said it.

CAPTION
END.

Do not allow yourself to ever give in to despair or self-pity…that's my job and it's copyrighted, bucko!

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